Doll pin

I got this pin a few weeks ago at a craft fair. There was a woman selling things that had been handcrafted by women in Russia. This pin was among them. Little matryoshkas (Russian nesting dolls), all lined up. I'm really taken with them.

At the craft fair I also saw some lampwork beads made by a local artist. Her beads were beautiful. I especially liked her bead holders in the shape of a frog and a monkey.

Aren't they cute? I like how you can change the bead to follow your mood or your outfit. Now I just have to decide if I want a frog or a monkey, and which bead to get. Decisions, decisions.

In other news, crafting is proceeding at a snail's pace because I must spend about an hour a day through next week practicing violin, a craft of a different kind. Why? Because somehow I've ended up signed up to participate in a violin recital next week. Let me explain the kind of sweaty-hands, jello-kneed response this provokes in me. As much as I hate public speaking, it is nothing--nothing!--compared to public performance of an instrument. Ack! I'll be performing that old violin solo standby, Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star. It's the only song I know, because I just started lessons in September. Max is in Suzuki violin, so I'm learning too. But Max is not interested in public performance (smart guy!), and since he's so young we don't want to push him. His teacher agreed about the not-pushing, and then let go with her bomb that I should play by myself. In a recital with the Suzuki kids. She said it would be good for Max to see me perform. Do you think it's good for a 4-year-old to see his mother cry on stage? I really can't imagine how it could be any more nightmarish than this.

So in preparation, there's endless practice. Everyone, including the cats, is sick to death of hearing endless rounds of Twinkle. But I need to practice it until my FINGERS know it on their own, because my HEAD is going to be completely useless when the time comes.

Actually, posting about this has made the reality all the more terrifying. Maybe it's a good thing to deal with the terror now, rather than when I'm walking up the steps to the stage. I considered deleting this part of the post, but it wouldn't matter, the terror is already here. So someone please say something nice and reassuring about how it always seems worse than it actually is (is that true?), perhaps that would help...

Comments

[tsuk]

It does seem incredibly frightening, but you do get used to it. Remember, no one is expecting perfection here! You're doing this so that you know what it's like for Max, when he decides to perform; you can't buy that kind of empathy. And it'll make giving technical talks seem trivial by comparison. :-)

[jess]

Wow, you are so brave! I am sending you good vibes through the ether (they may reach you by the time you are on stage!)

[persephone]

Well, I was a ballerina for about 10 years of my life, and I never got over the stage-fright thing. But, I just went out there and did it. I pretended I was at home practicing in the living room, and that nobody could see me. That usually worked. Just imagine that the crowd is really your house cats. :)

[CJ]

Ah, the joys of public performance. I never got over my anxiety as a pianist. But just remember, it'll all be over soon and you'll have fond memories! =) Good luck and I can't wait to hear how it went.

[myra]

I used to take traditional Japanese dance lessons and for one of my recitals I froze up and couldn't remember any of my steps and just stood there for a while and then started making up steps. But I blame it on the fact that I really didn't practice enough. Lots of practice really does help - a lot!
Best wishes! I know you will do great!

I love the matreshka pin, and the frog beads are neat! My Mom is crazy about frogs. It's a huge lucky charm for Vegas thing for Hawaii people.

[Christy]

It really is going to be fine! All the practice will definitely pay off and it will fly by. Really, I think the anticipation is always far worse than the actual speech/performance, etc.

[Carabeth]

It will be fine, and such a rush when you're done. Remember that everyone in the audience would be nervous too. As well, none of them are up there actually doing it!

[Bettsi]

Oh Amanda! I'm so impressed with your bravery. I think you are very wise to practice, practice, practice! But the best reassurance I want to give you is to remind yourself of what you would be feeling if you were in the audience instead of on the stage. You would have nothing but good thoughts going out to the performers and that is exactly what will you will be getting from the audience. Good thought and well wishes!

[Anamaria]

Twinkle is a great piece--when you know it, you can also play Baa Baa and the Alphabet Song! Seriously, I think the anxiety (okay, the terror!) is part of the performance for almost everyone--certainly for me. You've gotten so much good advice from these comments--I'm sure you'll play well, and be thrilled when you're through. As will Max!

And I love those little matryoshkas! Maybe you could wear them at the performance...

Wishing you great good luck!

[Marie]

That pin is completely adorable!

I so understand your feelings regarding performing. Ugh. I'm sure you'll do great though and Max will be all kinds of proud. :)

[susanne]

Congrats on your first recital! You're so brave (I don't think I could go up there by myself anymore) and I'm sure you'll do a super job! I used to play the violin when I was little (then the flute when I was older) would love to pick it up again.

I love that pin! Been eyeing those nesting dolls recently, they're so cute!

[Marie]

Just wanted to let you know that I've been missing you. Hope everything is okay and you're just caught up in all the holiday hustle bustle. :)